Elizabeth & Percy

Jo Askham has a gift. This gift goes far, far beyond what we ever could have imagined would be possible from a doula, or from anyone, really. When Jo became our doula, we had no idea of the immense privilege that this would be, and now count ourselves as so incredibly lucky to have had her in our life.
Jo cocoons you and your partner in love, warmth, expertise and gentle strength. She has an extremely fine-tuned ability to understand innately what it is that you need, and to provide you with exactly that, without ever drawing your attention away from the experience you and your partner are having. She makes you feel utterly safe and cared for in the most unobtrusive way. The only way I can think to describe her attention to detail is that it feels psychic -- that's how attuned to your experience she is.
For example: when I was in one labour position, somehow she intuited that the carpet might be scratching my knees (it was! and it was bothering me, but the energy I would have had to redirect to articulate those words didn't feel worth it, so I hadn't uttered a word about it...yet somehow she knew). So she found a cushion to slide beneath my knees, which meant I could relax fully and focus more (and it's amazing what a huge difference such an apparently small thing can make).
At another stage, she showed my partner a brace position that felt so, so ridiculously good -- it meant that I sat on his knees when a surge came...which was only possible because he was sitting on her knees (and her back was pressed against our wardrobe)! Superwoman.
One more example: at the hospital, she understood that I wanted more water in the tub so more of my back would be covered, and so she pushed the hospital regulations as far as she was able to fill it higher (yesss!). She even did her best to sneak me past the receptionist to save me from the barrage of questions and computer-says-no chatter (oh lord, that receptionist).
And this is not to mention all those really big things that have a huge impact on your experience, e..g. making sure you don't go to the hospital too early, and giving you the confidence, peace of mind and safety not to even have to think about such logistics.
What has especially stayed with me was her calm voice saying exactly what I needed to hear exactly when I needed to hear it. She always knew exactly what stage I was at, and what I was experiencing inside my body, without me having to say anything.
You really don't want to have to come back into your frontal cortex to listen to what people say -- a single word too many is way, way too many! It's hugely irritating and breaks your focus (hence my probably unfair feelings about the receptionist). Yet every time Jo said something, it was precisely what I needed to hear, even though I couldn't possibly have guessed that I needed to hear it until she was saying the words. The language she uses is so positive, it has the power to completely alter your conception of what you're experiencing, to make you feel so powerful, and to trust your body utterly.
One other gift that Jo gave us was the way her wisdom enriched our understanding of our birth experience. Two examples:
In our post-birth meeting, I happened to mention to Jo that a day or two after the birth, when I got in the shower at home for the first time, I was flooded with the most beautiful feeling, and started touching the glass shower walls in amazement. I hadn't felt anything elsewhere in the house. She reminded me that the shower was where my membrane ruptured -- so I would have been remembering the flood of oxytocin. I found this fascinating!! I knew about muscle memory, but to think we also have hormonal memories?! Amazing.
And, minutes after our baby came earthside, Jo pointed out the shape of his head, and said it meant that originally he had entered the birth canal at an angle, before this was righted and he entered it as he should. She pieced this together with another detail I hadn't been conscious of -- while labouring at home, I'd been lunging to the left a lot: this was my body attempting to correct his angle, she told us. What an empowering thing to be told! To think my body had known, and had corrected this?!
Being given these pieces of our birth story -- something we would never have had if Jo hadn't been present -- was such an immensely precious gift. Thinking of that fact now, I have such a sense of awe at what my body was capable of, and now have huge respect for how intelligent the body can be, how knowledgeable its instincts. So not only was this the gift of an added layer to our birth story; it also led me to a greater depth of love and appreciation for my body now and in the future.
Oh, and not to forget: somehow, while being 100 % present, Jo managed to film and photography our experience!!?! I'm still flummoxed as to how she did that! But what a gift that was, too -- I must have watched that video 20 times already!
Jo cocoons you and your partner in love, warmth, expertise and gentle strength. She has an extremely fine-tuned ability to understand innately what it is that you need, and to provide you with exactly that, without ever drawing your attention away from the experience you and your partner are having. She makes you feel utterly safe and cared for in the most unobtrusive way. The only way I can think to describe her attention to detail is that it feels psychic -- that's how attuned to your experience she is.
For example: when I was in one labour position, somehow she intuited that the carpet might be scratching my knees (it was! and it was bothering me, but the energy I would have had to redirect to articulate those words didn't feel worth it, so I hadn't uttered a word about it...yet somehow she knew). So she found a cushion to slide beneath my knees, which meant I could relax fully and focus more (and it's amazing what a huge difference such an apparently small thing can make).
At another stage, she showed my partner a brace position that felt so, so ridiculously good -- it meant that I sat on his knees when a surge came...which was only possible because he was sitting on her knees (and her back was pressed against our wardrobe)! Superwoman.
One more example: at the hospital, she understood that I wanted more water in the tub so more of my back would be covered, and so she pushed the hospital regulations as far as she was able to fill it higher (yesss!). She even did her best to sneak me past the receptionist to save me from the barrage of questions and computer-says-no chatter (oh lord, that receptionist).
And this is not to mention all those really big things that have a huge impact on your experience, e..g. making sure you don't go to the hospital too early, and giving you the confidence, peace of mind and safety not to even have to think about such logistics.
What has especially stayed with me was her calm voice saying exactly what I needed to hear exactly when I needed to hear it. She always knew exactly what stage I was at, and what I was experiencing inside my body, without me having to say anything.
You really don't want to have to come back into your frontal cortex to listen to what people say -- a single word too many is way, way too many! It's hugely irritating and breaks your focus (hence my probably unfair feelings about the receptionist). Yet every time Jo said something, it was precisely what I needed to hear, even though I couldn't possibly have guessed that I needed to hear it until she was saying the words. The language she uses is so positive, it has the power to completely alter your conception of what you're experiencing, to make you feel so powerful, and to trust your body utterly.
One other gift that Jo gave us was the way her wisdom enriched our understanding of our birth experience. Two examples:
In our post-birth meeting, I happened to mention to Jo that a day or two after the birth, when I got in the shower at home for the first time, I was flooded with the most beautiful feeling, and started touching the glass shower walls in amazement. I hadn't felt anything elsewhere in the house. She reminded me that the shower was where my membrane ruptured -- so I would have been remembering the flood of oxytocin. I found this fascinating!! I knew about muscle memory, but to think we also have hormonal memories?! Amazing.
And, minutes after our baby came earthside, Jo pointed out the shape of his head, and said it meant that originally he had entered the birth canal at an angle, before this was righted and he entered it as he should. She pieced this together with another detail I hadn't been conscious of -- while labouring at home, I'd been lunging to the left a lot: this was my body attempting to correct his angle, she told us. What an empowering thing to be told! To think my body had known, and had corrected this?!
Being given these pieces of our birth story -- something we would never have had if Jo hadn't been present -- was such an immensely precious gift. Thinking of that fact now, I have such a sense of awe at what my body was capable of, and now have huge respect for how intelligent the body can be, how knowledgeable its instincts. So not only was this the gift of an added layer to our birth story; it also led me to a greater depth of love and appreciation for my body now and in the future.
Oh, and not to forget: somehow, while being 100 % present, Jo managed to film and photography our experience!!?! I'm still flummoxed as to how she did that! But what a gift that was, too -- I must have watched that video 20 times already!